Monday, November 14, 2011

A Self Portrait

Lately I've been thinking a lot about who I am... about who other people say I am, about who I say I am, about who God says I am. I'm learning to give up the need to justify myself, to fight to defend myself. I'm learning to hand that need over to God, to let Him defend me. And I pray daily that He does, that He will fight for me so I don't have to. And sometimes that means clenching my fists and camping my mouth shut so that I don't yell out in defence, so I don't pull open my computer and write the e-mail that I have every right to send, so that I don't speak badly about anyone, so that I don't do what has been done to me. There are days when I don't want to be the person God calls me to be, when I just want to do what I want, when I don't want to care what it does to anyone around me. I have to fight that battle daily, to hand over the selfish pieces of myself. Everyday I get to choose. I don't always choose well. Sometimes I choose poorly on purpose, sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. But I want to live inside God's will for my life, every single day. I want to be the woman He has called me to be, no matter what.

I am a girl.
I am gentle and kind.
I am a listener and a hearer.
I am a servant.
I am stubborn.
I am a dear friend.
I am seeking God's will for my life.
I do my best to be good to people, even when I don't want to.
I am intentional.
I am honest and truthful.
I try to forgive. Daily.
I have a sensitive heart.
I am compassionate.
I am creative.
I am patient.
I am strong and courageous.
Sometimes I'm angry.
I'm trying to have a spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
I am a child of God.

I am not defined by anybody else.
I am, and always will be, me.

1 comment:

Holly M. said...

I love this! You are truly lovely, friend. I wish I could be with you and talk to you--it has been too long! I hope to see you in December.