Right now I'm in a really hard place of trying to discern how to hope without getting hurt. I've never felt God speak directly to me in a way that I was so confident that I knew for sure that He was talking to me, but lately as I walk through this painful place I feel God's presence more than I ever have. I haven't heard his voice the way I've been asking for. There's been no clear, direct word from Him. But an overwheling sense that says, "have hope." It's come from deep inside me. It's come despite fervent prayer for this feeling of hope to be taken away, for an undisputeable word that says, "just let go." But it hasn't come. Instead I've been flooded with words from people saying "just wait."
I don't know that it's possible to hope without the possibility of hurt in the end. There's always a chance that things won't turn out the way you'd hoped for. There's always a chance of more pain. But the reason we hope is because there's a chance of something beautiful in the end. And I hold on to that because I believe with every fiber of my being that God is saying... "HOPE."
1 comment:
J, just now seeing this post of yours. (I have been away on vaca and am borrowing my friend's computer today.)
I totally get what you're saying. I struggle with this all of the time.
The hope we have in Christ does not protect us from hurt. It is the light that carries us through it. I am 42 years old and still slowly letting go of the warped belief that hope in God = a pain free life.
Instead hope in Him frees me from the despairing thought that hurt will be too much to bear, or that it will destroy me.
I have learned that God is not afraid of pain in my life if it means taking me through something that will draw me near to him.
But he never dishes out pain "just cause".
I can have hope in a God that I believe to be a GOOD God. I can have hope that it is HE that will be near in the middle of whatever pain I face. I can have hope that he loves me and thus I will get through whatever it is that hurts me.
Ultimately, Hope is a person. Jesus. Who experienced pain and suffering so that I could know a personal, loving God who has ultimate plans to bring me back to him.
You are loved J. :)
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